Thoroughly Thursday - The Fist Bump Edition
This week, the 3rd best way to greet people. Also, how gender stereotypes affect men, Guy Ritchie's "The Gentlemen," and the art of Swedish Death Cleaning (which is less creepy than it sounds).
Welcome back to Thoroughly Thursday, the Fist Bump Edition. I have been thinking about this edition for quite a while, and in recent months, I have become a tiny bit obsessed with fist bumps. I think it is the third-best way of greeting people, ever.
The best way of greeting people is the flying full-body hug, but understandably, not everyone appreciates a 200lb man tackling them, even if I am doing it with affection.1
The second best way of greeting people is the dap, a personalized physical greeting between two people (or a small group).2 The only problem with the dap is that it is only good for those who are already acquainted.
But the fist bump, the third-best way to greet someone, is for everyone.
Since the Pandemic, I’ve noticed that a lot of people hesitate at a proffered handshake as if they are suddenly trying to remember if they have hand sanitizer somewhere on their person.
Alternatively, the no-touch bow seems too formal. Its cousin, the head nod, feels too aloof.
The high-five is great if you have good hand-eye coordination (I do not). Also, we all know the person who is too enthusiastic with the resulting slap, like they’re a tennis pro trying to take out their opponent with a screaming serve.
But no one refuses a fist bump.
It is at once intimate without being weird, casual without being inappropriate, and shows solidarity and respect without impinging on someone’s personal space. I have given fist-bumps to friends of all persuasions, workmates, patients with severe dementia, acquaintances at the store, awkward teenagers, and CEOs of big companies. I have watched a shy 18-month-old toddler suddenly spring to life at the idea of touching knuckles.
Where a handshake requires you to grab (and be grabbed), the fist bump signals a willingness to physically touch without having to worry that your palms are too sweaty. And, where you can be judged on the many ways you shake hands (grip too hard, grip like a dead fish, too dainty, too rough), the fist bump is nearly impossible to do incorrectly.
A fist bump is a meeting of equals, an acknowledgment that a person’s status is commensurate with our own. And most importantly, it provides a way to connect with the world, one knuckle-tap at a time.
Take care, my friends, and know that if I see you, I’d still like to tackle you to the ground (with affection).
A few cool things I have seen/read or have been sent from readers this week, in no particular order:
RESOURCE: Many years ago, I worked as a commercial real estate broker. Though I enjoyed the work, I was never a great fit for the industry. In the early days of my career, I was constantly told I was too nice and too accommodating. The prevailing sentiment was that if I was going to succeed in the business, I needed to be more strategic with my relationships and be willing to drop clients or prospects that weren’t moving fast enough.3 Turns out my experience wasn’t that unusual. David Mayer writes for the Harvard Business Review that, while there have been significant changes within the corporate workplace in recent decades, men are still penalized for straying from masculine norms. While women who are assertive can be characterized as “pushy,” men who are kinder, more empathetic, or assert “feminist” ideas often make less money, are more likely to be overlooked for promotion, or may face harassment from co-workers.
TV: I just started watching Guy Ritchie’s TV show, The Gentlemen, currently showing on Netflix. On the death of his father, the younger of two brothers unexpectedly inherits the title of Duke of Halstead. The first order of the business: save his screw-up of an older brother from local mobsters. Second order of business: figure out how a giant underground marijuana farm ended up on his estate. I’ve always enjoyed the balance of cleverness and lunacy that Ritchie brings to British institutions (his 2009 Sherlock Holmes with RDJ is still a favorite). But, The Gentlemen, while fun in all its bright colors, often strays a bit too much into the latter.
BOOK: A few weeks ago, I read the excellent Swedish Art of Aging Exuberantly: Wisdom from Someone Who Will (Probably) Die Before You by Margareta Magnusson, which focused on ways to make your later years a time of connecting with loved ones, appreciating beauty, and enjoying the time you have. This week, I just finished her companion book, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter. Individual consumption is at an all-time high in the Western World, and many of us mistakenly assume that our myriad possessions will have some value for our heirs once we pass. The reality is that cleaning up the estate of the departed is often an arduous and aggravating chore that we leave for others. Coming from the Swedish word döstädning, dö meaning “death” and städning meaning “cleaning,” the process is the intentional giving of your favorite things or creating a plan for distributing your possessions to others prior to moving on from this world, mostly so that your loved ones won’t have to. Imagine Marie Kondo partnering with an estate lawyer, and you get the right idea.
What I'm Thinking About - Well, There Is Something Else You Can Do4
”You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.”
- Indira Ghandi
All the best, and remember, tomorrow is Friday. :)
Scott
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P.P.S. I completely agree with this sentiment. AI is great, but I really would prefer it to clean the bathroom and get groceries than to create 15 animated variations of me in Star Wars outfits.5
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The recipient needs to have a strong center of gravity and, ideally, be forewarned that it is going to happen.
Originally created by Black GIs in Vietnam as a form of solidarity.
I should note that many of my best male friends in commercial real estate are awesome people, regardless of the prevailing sentiment.
Yes, I am completely misinterpreting this quote.
Though that is fun, too.